Crybaby

I’m feeling especially vulnerable these past few days.

Cases in point:

1) I was talking to the little brother on the phone. He was nonchalant and elusive (like he always did previously when talking to me on the phone. Which fifteen year old doesn’t do that?). And I immediately cried. I freaking sobbed my eyes out.

2) I SMS’d a close friend to tell her that I cried my eyes out when talking with the brother. She replied asking why I was so emotional, and I cried reading that.

3) Tired of having to string some words together to make a coherent sentence for the thesis (or I just couldn’t be bothered with the process, you pick), I decided to watch an episode of Boys Over Flowers. At every kind/brave/romantic/silly-but-sweet gesture made by the main hero (and the poor second hero – not I-have-no-money poor, but I-love-her-but-she-does-not-love-me-back kind of poor), I would tear up, which usually led to full waterworks.

4) I would cry looking at the MMS pictures sent by the grandma of my nephew (my mom), for I haven’t seen him in almost a month.



#4 definitely takes the cake.

Are You Who You Say You Are?

No matter how close you are to someone, you can never know everything there is to know about him/her. You can spend every single waking minute with him/her, or you can have countless heart-to-heart conversations with him/her, but you can never know for sure what's really in his/her heart. Like, really really know. Be it your boy/girl/best friend or a family member, there will always be something that he/she hides from you. Always. Even if you share saliva (same spoon for that sundae), you can never know for sure what's in the heart of his/hers.

No one is who they seem to be. On the outside, they might look like Mr. Hyde, but when you part ways and be on your own, they turn into Dr. Jekyll. Or vice versa. And even if they seem like they are the same person both in private and public, you can bet that there are still some secrets/facts that they conceal. However big or small, rotten bad or just innocent, hidden secrets are there. Gregory House always say that 'Everybody lies', or in some cases, they are just simply not telling the whole truth, just bits and pieces of it.

Revealing secrets is akin to stripping every layer of clothing you have on a busy street (not that I have any experience of doing it. It's just what I think). The act of stripping itself is humiliating/embarassing/mortifying, what more having one's bare uncovered skin exposed for all the world to see.

This may seem like ramblings of a disturbed mind, but whatever.

The point/message that I'm trying to convey here is this:

You can never completely know someone, unless you ARE that someone.

Wanting to sound like Mr. House, this is what I have to say: Everybody hides.

Choose The One Who Loves You More

Rain, rain, rain on my mind
I've got a secret life
Wipe, wipe, wipe it away
Nothing can make me dry

Fight all the while
Fight 'til I think I'm free
Feel rains we never see
Beautiful secret lives

It can make you face all your fears
It can make you face all your fears

Oh, smile, smile in a day
Fear takes its place at night
Oh, oh, I'm pretty in the rain
I love your secret life

It can make you face all your fears
It can make you face all your fears.

I could leave you well enough alone
Believe and you'll be overcome and gone
By grace away
Better off than if I stayed
I could leave you well enough alone
Believe and you'll be overcome and gone
By grace away
Better off than if I stayed

I could leave you walk away
We'll save it for another day
Through all the wars I've come to know
It's punches pulled, not towels thrown in

When they come knocking on your heart's door
Choose the one who loves you more
And when you've found something to die for
(Make you face all your fears)
They'll be knocking on your heart's door
(Make you face all your fears)
When they come knocking on your heart's door
(Make you face all your fears)
Choose the one who loves you more
(Make you face all your fears)
And when you've found something to die for
(Make you face all your fears)
They'll be knocking on your heart's door
(Make you face all your fears)
When they come knocking on your heart's door
(Make you face all your fears)
Choose the one who loves you more
(Make you)

- Copeland, from the album 'In Motion'

'_____' --> That's what my mom always say!

How To Spend A Weekend, Dinie's Awesome Way

I HAD A LONG, LONG POST HERE. BUT BLOGGER BUAT HAL. DAMN IT. I AM SO NOT TYPING IT ALL BACK!




Oh well. Here goes a simplified version of the long post I had that disappeared due to blogger's stupid act.



EXPLANATION FOR THE ABOVE PICTURE, ON HOW TO SPEND A WEEKEND, MY OWN AWESOME WAY:


1. Having two packets of instant noodle for lunch (for both days),

2. Having a large bar of chocolate for dinner (ditto),

3. Feeling panicky whenever the eyes landed on the overflowing laundry basket,
4. Non-stop editing of FYP pictures (and amazingly, it's nowhere near finished),
5. And also feeling panicky when remembering there are 3 quizzes coming up very, very soon (and I haven't started studying anything yet),
6. And having all 5 Copeland's studio albums on repeat (Aaron Marsh has one helluva voice!)


I am so looking forward to the 3-month break.

An Easy-Peasy Way To A Better World

THEHUNGERSITE.COM

Please click daily! It's not that hard to do, compared to whatever you're doing daily.

You don't need to spend anything, just a fraction of the 86,400 seconds you get daily.

Causes to choose from: hunger, breast cancer, child health, literacy, rain forest, animal rescue.

Better yet, click on every one of them!
EVERY click counts!

p/s: I'm resetting my homepage from Facebook to the above site (click on the picture).

The Day I Lose My Voice (The Suitcase Song)

I am so depressed.
I thought I found my soulmate.
Turns out I was wrong.
Pfft.

p/s: And I'm also depressed because friends' links on the right dah gila. I did NOT do anything to make it go crazy like that. And I do NOT know how to fix it. Help.

Filler?

Yeah I know that all my most recent posts are filler posts (thanks Zainab kerna remind saya. Don't quit blogging tau!).

But what can a girl do if she has no idea on what to write about? I admit that I'm often a silent reader of blogs, rather than actively leaving comments on the blogs/sites that I frequent or stumbled upon. I'm more of a reader than a writer, really. I read a lot. By a lot, I mean A LOT. But a few days (or weeks?) ago I opened an account on booksie and submitted my novel-cum-semi-autobiography there (hohoho).

A reminder to you guys: Don't go looking for me there. But if you do find me and think that really is me, do leave a note. lol.

I don't know why I decided to submit my stuff there, but yeah, I really did. The 'novel' is something that I work on, whenever the mood strikes (which is not that often). I just typed and typed whatever words/sentences that come to mind. With a bit of editing. lol. This thing is soo private (it's based on my own experience, with a lot of fabrications), that I have not even let my close friends read it.

It's not on par with any of Ms. Kinsella's many fantastic works (Can You Keep A Secret should come to mind). Heh. I know where I stand. I'm pretty sure I'll never be as good as her. It's just that it's nice to be able to transform all your thoughts and ideas into words, albeit those words being not that publish-worthy. lol. Currently, I've posted 3 chapters up there. I have more in my computer, but I'll see how things go. (that reminds me to check if there's any new comments on my 'novel'.. Okay, no new comments. That was expected! lol)

There are many good works on booksie. Being a kinda-fan of the Jo Bros, I particularly liked this one. 47 chapters. Yeah, Joe is so hot, I'd almost forgive him for being so vain. Almost. lol. What's up with the hair and the stovepipe jeans, dude? [Ben pun ade white skinny jeans!] And what's with you always having to be in the middle, like, every single time?

But if you're more of a Twilight fan (read: Edward), this one might be more of your taste. Edward's old school charm and chivalry gets me. I wonder if my own Edward is out there some where. *sigh*

If you noticed, I used a lot of 'lol'. I've never used it in my previous entries, but this time I did. Wanna know why? It's because I've recently been addicted to online chat rooms. Haha. Not mIRC. I don't have classes on Mondays and Tuesdays, so practically, my weekend stretched out to 4 days. To kill time, I go there and try to find like-minded people from other countries. [When I really should be drafting my FYP thesis]. These chatters use a lot of 'lol', and now I do too. lol. About 99.9% of the time, they are looking for 'cyber fun' (if you don't know what that means, ask other people who know :P ), but once in every 10 or so PMs, you find people who just like to make new friends. I've chatted with a mechanical engineering student in University of Canterbury (a nice guy who luckily is gorgeous! lol), a funny high-schooler from Sweden (sarcastic funny, not ha-ha funny), a bored housewife from Atlanta, Georgia (she thinks she's going crazy with her kids' screaming everyday), and some more others.

I don't really trust what they tell me, 'tho. Haha. It is possible that everything they told me is complete BS. But to be able to get away from life in Kuantan here, even though only virtually, is refreshing.

I've learned how to cook sloppy joes, you know. And snowboarding!

lol.

:D